3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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