dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
