I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
