I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
