mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
