do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
