Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
