his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
