Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
