apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
