my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
