I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just made my gag reflex go away.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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