pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
