If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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