I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
