a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
