I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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