I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My dick has a subreddit
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
