I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
