Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
