would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
