were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
