Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
