life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
