My sheets look like a crime scene.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
