maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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