I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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