I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
