The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
