He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize