I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
