Don't make out with my wife yet
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize