I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
