I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
