You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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