i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
