after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
