Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize