Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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