where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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