so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
