the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
