So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
