clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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