You made me cry and you don't even care
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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