How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
