And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think i got beer on your cat.
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