I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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