I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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