he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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