We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just found puke in my bra..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
