i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
