Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
