he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
