you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
