..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
