just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
