It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize