i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
