Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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