He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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