some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
