You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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