So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
