you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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