This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
