so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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