Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
