Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize