Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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