just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
