she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
