i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
