Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
