Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
