My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
