It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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