The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
