Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
