dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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