If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
