I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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