i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
