he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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