After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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