When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
