Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
