Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
