I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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