that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he fucked my hip out of place.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
