We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
from now on my penis is your penis
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
