Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
