We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
