I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
