I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
thus making me awesome and them whores
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
