dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
