I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
