Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
