I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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