She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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