the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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